Some Facts about Tiny Humans:

Some Facts about Tiny Humans:
-We both started and ended WWII
-We are descendants of lions and paper cups (they interbred to create the tiny-human generation, that society has barely come to acknowledge the fictional existence of)
-Every third Tuesday after a full moon we turn into a sea creature for about 48 seconds (it's really uncomfortable unless you're already in water)
-Lima beans are delicious
-Fabric of time means nothing to us, we are too small to care about it.
-Alice in Wonderland is not a children's story, it is a biography of my life (I'm the cat-one)
-We use our tiny person-like selves to manipulate the other-sized people into doing things for us (reaching cups, starting genocides, ending genocides, etc)
-When you aren't looking directly at us, we turn into dolls
-Some of us can start fires with our minds, but only like 4 or 5 of us, and they were really nasty to me at our last BBQ, so whatever.  Just because I can't start a fire with my mind doesn't make me any less of a dinosaur than those guys.
-Anything larger than 100in means nothing to us.
-Also 100in means nothing to me, I know that 60in is me-sized but when I think about 100in I can only imagine something goldfish-sized.  Not 100% sure, but I'm going to go with my gut on this one.
 -Our first stage of life is in worm-form, straight up worm-living.

Now every single thing on this list came from my tiny-little-mind to my tiny-little-fingers to a normal sized keyboard onto a computer-machine, which I can only imagine laser typed all this info onto the brains of things who also touch it?


To those who ask "How can this be real? None of this is based in any kind of fact, it seems more like the ramblings of a crazy person."
I respond "You humans and your questions, when will you learn? I'm going to turn you into a squirrel now for being rude."

Mad love to the Lima beans, I really meant what I said up there.

Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes,
Tiny Dinosaur Human

The Day the Rabbit Became a Lizard

This is a story tiny humans have been telling to their creature children for years, I thought it was only fair to share it with the other-sized people.

For centuries rabbits have been shedding their feathers to become the slime creatures we know and love today.  This story is a little different because when it came time for this rabbit to take her place with her slime creature brethren, she decided to make a choice that would change the history of everything.

Dolores, the rabbit, grew up her whole life watching her friends and family shed their rabbit feathers to become these elegant slime creatures.  She heard her aunts gossiping about the rabbits who didn't shed fast enough or the slime creatures whose slime wasn't oozy enough.  Dolores knew that one day she was destined to become one of these slime creatures and she was TERRIFIED. 

She hated the smell of slime, she hated the way it looked and felt because all of it seemed a whole lot more like boogers than elegance.  That's when she came across a lizard.  This lizard was awesome, he had scales and a forked tongue and whatever the lizard equivalent to a leather jacket.  Dolores knew right then that she didn't want to be a slime creature, she wanted to be a lizard.

So Dolores approached the lizard and asked him "Lizard, how did you become a lizard?" to which he responded "First of all my name is Howard, don't just call me lizard because I'm a lizard, it's offensive."
"Sorry, Howard, I didn't mean to be rude but seriously how did you do it? I want to be a lizard like 3 days ago."
"I just decided.  One day, I was one creature and then I was like lizard-time and then I was a lizard."

Dolores wandered away without responding (she was never very good at pleasantries) and she thought to herself so I can just think myself lizard? BRILLIANT, can't believe I didn't already think of that lizards really are the coolest.
Then she paused a moment to rep all the slime creatures and thought to herself LIZARD-TIME BITCHES and that was that.

Dolores the rabbit became Dolores the lizard.

Then some other stuff happened like her family rejected her for abandoning them blah blah blah emotionally isolated, etc.  It didn't matter anymore because she was a lizard and therefore cool.

Children and other things that aren't children, I want you to take away 2 lessons from this:
1) Being cool is more important than your family.  Family has to accept you, society doesn't, that's why it's opinion is more valuable.
2) If your rabbit is unimpressive, keep saying lizard-time, eventually the rabbit will think it, wondering what you're doing and then your boring rabbit will turn into an edgy lizard.

Dolores if you're reading this, thanks, you're my main bitch.

Always or until a different time,
Tiny Dinosaur Human

A short tale about dragon-babies

Once upon a time, there were dragons, that time happened to be around 3pm yesterday when I was eating my lunch.  I'm not here to say that dragons didn't exist in other timelines too (I can only speculate).  What I can do is talk about what I know for a fact and that is that dragons are bad-ass, but dragon-babies are also things that do stuff.

During my lunch of sandwich things, this dragon, Steve, came over to me and was all like "Watch my dragon-babies, I have to pillage or fly or blow fire or just be awesome somewhere, I heard you were really smart and super small so I figured you would be the perfect baby-sitter."
To which I responded "Duh, of course, dragon-babies are just like real babies but cooler and with wings."

So Steve went off to go do his dragon thing and I got to hang out with his 4 dragon-babies.  I had to learn the hard way that dragon-babies do not respond well to tiny humans. 

At first they just did normal baby stuff like cry for Steve and set fire to anything that looked like plastic.  Then they started yelling things like "tiny human, get off that stool, who do you think you are you'll never reach that cup." and "get used to being single forever because no one would ever love someone they could fit into their pocket."

These guys were cruel.  I began racking my head for solutions to get these things to be nice to me so I could have dragon friends who were also tiny.

Then a stroke of brilliance hit me, kiddie pool filled with french fries.  It was like something from a movie.  I got out my kiddie pool and filled the whole thing up to the top with french fries as the dragon-babies watched in awe. 

They got in the pool of french fries and it was an instant montage of bonding.  At first we laughed at the joy of the french fries, tears soon followed because of the empty calories and then laughter again when we realized it would be 800 years before we would have to watch our calorie intake.

That's when the one little dragon, Camel, said something I will never forget "french fries, happiness, don't worry about your final paper I already did it for you." Let me tell you for a dragon of that age, he was saying some pretty smart words.

I take those words with me every where I go.  When my professors ask me "Where is your final paper?" I just say "Don't worry Camel has got it under control, french fries."

I will never forget those dragon-babies even after the tiny humans take control and rule over all species both tiny and other sized. 

Camel, Roberta, Paper clip, Bick, and their father Steve, thank you for the best half hour of my week.  I'll probably remember this for at least 3 more weeks, maybe less my brain can only handle so much.

Much love to the things who are things who like dragons.
Yours Truly,
Tiny Dinosaur Human