So all you creature things or humans or whatever. I want to give you a really important math lesson.
Me= [(science+candy) x love - logic + marshmallow]/ worm
It's actually a funny story of how they figured this out it all started when the smartest scientist that ever was said "math, but also dinosaurs", and that was when the magic happened.
Dr. Kelsey Fancypants (known to her closest friends as Kelsface or Rabbitfacemonkeypants), was all like math blah blah blah + science machine worm = maybe something important.
Needless to say she was a leader in her field.
The most important subject to her was the tiniest of the humans and what they were. Dr. Kelsey Fancypants dedicated her life to the study of Tiny Humans and their habits. She even went so far as to accidentally live with one and call it her "roommate". The roommate thing-person was me, a.k.a. the most special and important of all the Tiny Humans. (mostly because I'm pretty)
Thankfully, Dr. Kelsface did not get distracted by my celebrity status, and evaluated me with an open mind.
She would ask me questions like "why are you eating a pound of gummy worms without breathing?" or "explain to me your obsession with blanket forts" or "why do you choreograph dances when you're eating marshmallows?"
I had never been asked such personal questions before, so I answered as honestly as I could:
-Because worms taste better when they are in gummy form and breathing is just a distraction.
-Blankets forts are awesome and anyone who says otherwise is a squirrel-sympathizing rascist who hates happiness.
-Shweem shweem blarg blarg meeeeeemmm, MARSHMALLOWS..
Dr. Kelsey Fancypants' research in this field is invaluable. I genuinely could not tell you how many times Tiny Humans have tried to analyze their history, mostly because Tiny Humans refuse to learn how to count because candy is better. And while I don't understand math or science or words, I recognize that my ancestors and I are something that is maybe real but mostly sugar. That realization is something I could have never come to on my own terms, mostly because of pineapples and how confusing they are.
Empirical data that is necessary to the the idea of "evolution",
Tiny Human
P.S. Evolution isn't real because I'm tired and that's what I've decided.
